Vera at home with her dog, Honey.  (Newsline Photo by Fanen Chiahemen)

By Fanen Chiahemen
Maryland Newsline
Friday, May 2, 2003

NEW CARROLLTON, Md. - If Vera had her way, every child in America would be learning about sex in kindergarten. 

"They need to teach it in the earliest grades. They should make it mandatory," she says. 

Her reasons?  

She believes lessons on sex at an early age could help prevent heartache down the line. And she should know.

She was diagnosed as HIV positive in November 2001, but she says she has been living with the virus for years, possibly for more than a decade.

Although Vera is not entirely sure whether she contracted the virus through unprotected sex or through drug use, she realizes she was not as well-informed on HIV as she thought.

"You're not trying to get that much information [until] it hits home," she says. "I had read a little bit about it. But, when it comes knocking on your door, you find out there's a lot more to be learned."

At 56, Vera, who asked that her last name not be used, exemplifies a sobering trend in Maryland. She's one of a growing number of women diagnosed with HIV and AIDS. 

According to the Maryland AIDS Administration’s 2001 statistics, women make up about 40 percent of new HIV incidences in Maryland, up from about 35 percent in 1994. The proportion of Maryland women diagnosed with AIDS has also been increasing steadily since 1985, when 10 percent of new cases were women. In 2001, the figure was 34 percent.

A Double Life

From her New Carrollton apartment, Vera speaks honestly about how she came to contract the virus. Surrounded by old family photographs, the well-groomed black woman, with short brown hair and perfectly manicured red nails, recalls the years when she engaged in what she calls "risky behavior."

Born and raised in Washington, D.C., Vera went to Catholic and public schools in the District. She married at 16, but separated from her husband a few years later, although they never divorced. Her husband died in 1991. 

At 21, Vera had a son with another man, from whom she is now separated.

It was in the years following her son’s birth that she believes she contracted HIV. She says she had unprotected sex with other men.  She says she also was an intravenous drug user for more than 10 years. She believes she contracted the virus sometime after 1970. 

Not many people who knew Vera had any idea about the kind of life she was living. She was working at the time with the Metropolitan Police Department as an administrative assistant.

She says she did not strike people as the kind of person who was doing drugs. Now, she does not think she strikes people as someone who is HIV positive. 

She says she has told her family and close friends.

People need to realize, she says, that HIV can affect “your next-door neighbor, the girl up the street, your schoolmate, your cousin, your brother, your sister…. You don’t have to look a certain way.”

In Vera's case, she was a mother, a daughter, a friend and the baby of five children, who says she learned she was HIV positive over the phone at 7: 30 in the morning .

Reaching Out for Support

Vera keeps photographs of family and friends who have supported her through difficult times.  (Newsline Photo byFanen Chiahemen)

The first few days after finding out were a struggle as she moved about in a state of shock, she says. She remembers feeling numb for about two days. Then came the questions.

“What I went through trying to figure out how it happened, trying to dig up every sexual partner…it was a useless waste of time. It beat me up for a while,” Vera says.

 Her mother, who is now 83, was the first person she told.

"It hurt me so bad to know there was something wrong with Vera," says her mother, Ella. "She made me cry, of course."

But, Vera says, her mother was immediately supportive.

“In no way did she hurt me or belittle me or say I told you so,” Vera says. “She just said, ‘You’re strong, and whatever decision you make, I’ll be there.’ ”

Vera still has not told her 35-year-old son, because he is incarcerated, and she does not want him to “have to deal with the knowledge while he’s locked up.”

But, family and friends were not Vera's only support system. Almost immediately after her diagnosis, Vera turned to the Whitman-Walker Clinic, a nonprofit health organization based in the D.C. metropolitan area, with offices in Maryland and Virginia. The organization provides care and services to people affected by HIV and AIDS.

“Whitman-Walker [was] open to me, “ she says. “They were understanding.”

She recalls how she called the clinic at about 10 p.m. a few days after she learned of her diagnosis. The woman on the phone was sympathetic and took the time to talk to her.

“It wasn’t ‘Call back tomorrow at 8 a.m.’ She talked to me. She gave me direction,' Vera says. “They met me with open arms. They made me feel like I wasn’t a monster.”

Vera's case manager at Whitman-Walker, Laura Collins, recalls her first impression of Vera. 

"She struck me as someone very well put together. I was almost surprised that she was here," Collins says. 

Courage in the Face of Adversity

Vera’s attitude about her HIV now is one of acceptance and strength, which she has drawn from her own will and from her friends and family. She remembers that when she told her closest friends some of them said, “So what? You know so-and-so has got such-and-such, and they might die before you?”

And then she found herself giving her mother hope. Her mother wanted her to move back home right away. But Vera wouldn’t hear of it.

“My world hadn’t ended,” she says. “I just told her I would have to keep doing whatever it is to keep me going.”

"It had me shaken up so bad," Ella says. "But Vera has always been strong and independent. She takes things in her stride."

Vera insists that the HIV itself has not changed her life much. She believes the worst part of having the virus so far has been the stigma attached to it. 

"A lot of people would just die at the thought of it," she says. "Once you get past that stigma, half the game is over."

So far the HIV has not made Vera sick, although she is affected by other health problems. She has polycystic kidney disease, for example, a condition in which many cysts grow in the kidneys. 

For the HIV, she takes three different types of pills every day--Epivir, Zerit and Viramune--to reduce the growth of the virus in her body. She says they made her nauseous at first, but she has gotten used to them.

She has to refill her pills once a month. The cost of her medication is totally covered through the Maryland AIDS Drug Assistance Program, a statewide program that helps low- to moderate-income Maryland residents infected with HIV.

Without the medical coverage, her medication would cost her $1, 000 a month, Collins says.

"Only a millionaire like Magic Johnson can pay for those meds," she adds. 

Whitman-Walker helps people like Vera find programs like MADAP and helps clients fill out application forms. Vera also has individual therapy, group therapy and group discussions at the clinic, as well as weekly meditation classes. 

But she helps Whitman-Walker, too. She periodically gives talks at the clinic's HIV education programs. 

Staying in Control

Vera is not one to let a stigma get in the way of living. 

"I deserve to live just as well as anyone else, and I'm going to do that," she says emphatically. 

Vera lives alone, save for her 10-year-old cocker spaniel, Honey, which she calls her “little heart.” She has a friend come and visit her every week, but she likes to do everything for herself. 

She works full-time for a homecare agency. She drives herself everywhere. She loves to take vacations with her friends to places like Virginia and Florida, where she owns time shares. She loves to call in to radio stations and win things, says one of her best friends, Almetta Williams.

"She loves to play those radio games ... and we win, too," Williams says. "We've won tickets to all the shows. She's won $1, 000."

Being HIV positive has not stopped Vera from wanting the best in life.

"She likes the best champagne, the best cars, the best clothes ... her mother raised her right," Williams says. 

Williams sees that the HIV has not made Vera retreat into a shell.

"She's a fighter," she says." She's a strong black woman. And she's going to be here for a long time."

To keep herself going, Vera tries to stay active but, at the same time, relaxed. She says it’s important that she doesn’t get anxious. So she tries to surround herself with upbeat people.

“I need to be around people who wear red rather than black, if you know what I mean,” she says. “Of course, I have my sad moments. But I try not to be.”

As for her past, she says she has no real regrets. "If I had the power to change things, I don't think I'd bother. My past made me who I am today," she says.

And she wants people to know that HIV does not signal the end of life. 

"People need to know you still have a life. Live it to its fullest. Do what makes you happy, and never give up, " she says. 

Then, after reflection: "Just give up the bad things."

Copyright © 2003 University of Maryland Philip Merrill College of Journalism